What if "Death Before Dishonor," really meant that in this day and age? At some point in time if a person ever were to betray their family, clan, following, club, troop, etc. they would be put to death. The simplest crime could get you hung, shot, or even beheaded. Do you know how many people would be dead right now for being disloyal.
Sad to say some people out here don't even know the meaning of loyalty. The textbook definition of loyalty is the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. Loyalty for me is RIDE OR DIE! Can you honestly say that you will stand behind your man, family, and even friends no matter what? When you hold a commitment to someone whether it be a relationship, your family, or even a friendship nothing should make you disloyal. Now I'm not going to write this and act like little miss perfect because no one is perfect. One thing I can say is I know where my loyalty lies. I know that if my boyfriend comes home and says he committed a crime, I'm going to have his back and the same goes for my family and a few close friends. When it comes to loyalty it does all depend on your bond with those you are comitted to. I will say though bonds can be broken and thats a guarentee.
So where does your loyalty lie and can you honestly say DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR!
[1108pm] For years, decades, generations, and even centuries females have had an anthem. "RESPECT" Aretha Franklin for our back in the day chicks and even "INDEPENDENT WOMAN" Destiny's Child (well just about all their songs lol). Now I think there is a new twist to a chicks empowering song, Miss Nicki Minaj "GO HARD."
"GO HARD," has that rugged sex appeal to it. Every chick out there has to relate to that song to some extent, shit I know I do. I may not be hood or I may not in a sense go hard, but I do know I stand my ground. In this song she is saying she represents for who she is and she goes hard to let it be known. We've all cried our last tear and were ready to say I'm holding down my own. In a sense chicks go hard regardless! We go hard for looks, fashion, status, and so much more. What do you go for? I go hard for my family and my self respect! No chick out there should really have to go hard to prove ANYTHING! I don't have to say shit to anybody because I know I'm so hard, LMAO. Don't underestimate! (woo that's a whole lot of exclamation points hehehehe)
Stand yah ground ladies and let the world know "you can hate me but why knock my hustle; I'ma be a queen no matter how they shuffle....I'm a bad bitch no muzzle!"
[1142PM] When you look at me what do you see? Right off the bat you say "white girl" and for some reason spanish girl. First off I am not spanish, I REPEAT I AM NOT SPANISH! I am in fact half black half white. You'd be surprised to know that th "white" side of me comes from the Caribbean, Nassau, Bahamas to be exact. Maybe not born there but definitely raised.
Almost all of the United States has Caribbean people in it. Jamaicans, trinis, guyanese and more. But I am happy to be different from all the rest. Not many Bahamians migrate so to say. Nassau is an amazingly beautiful island. That small "rock" holds many cherished memories for me. My dad was born and raised there, he taught me so much. Although in appearance he looked white he was straight up Caribbean. His accent was so thick it would amaze you. Although he is smiling down on mem from heaven he taught me so much about my culture and to be proud of where we came from.
Nassau isn't like every other island we are our own people. For over 7 years I got to live in the sun, go to schools that would beat you with rulers (although thats not something to brag about lol), and even go to the beach everyday after school. It was practically my backyard. So many memories that I would share but there is one that truly holds my heart.
Almost all islands have carnival but we called ours JUNKANOO! Thers are colorful costumes, amazing people, great live music, and culture. I can remember being about 5 years old and waking up at about 2 in the morning to go down to wathc Junkanoo. The beating of the drums, the sweet melody of the steel drum, and the sounds of the cow bells is hypnotizing. Sitting high on my dads shoulders while he danced and rushed with the crowd. This and so much more makes me proud to call myself a BAHAMIAN.
My father taught me a lot and I will pass this onto my son. He to will be proud to say he is a Bahamian and Caribbean. I will say though that you should not get it twisted. I can show you a side of me you won't recognize. My accent will have you second guessing if it was really me lol. So now you know I'm not just some white chick from L.I. "I's a bahamian bey and proud of it!"
[215am ] Hate is such a strong word! At any age I'm sure a parent or even an older mature person has told you that. In order to hate someone you really have to have been wronged in the most major way possible. Don't say you hate such and such person because they scuffed your new kicks, that's just petty. Although I am trying to find a legitimate reason to hate someone, never should you be able to find a reason.
For years I have said no way someone could ever make me hate them unless they harmed someone I really loved very badly. Everyone isn't the same, hate can come in many forms. But when you hate some one you aren't hurting them your hurting yourself. If you give that said person such power you are only weakening yourself. You put all your time and energy into saying why this person is bad and what you would like to do and how could they or whatever the case may be. Is that making you feel any better? HELL NO! Don't even sit there and lie to yourself "she don't know what she talking about." If that person knew the tiniest bit that you were loosing sleep over them it would make them feel better about themselves because they knew you were miserable because of them. Never is it your job to make that person feel good about themselves because of what they have done to you.
This blog is specifically about my life and I'm trying to keep it as real as possible. I'm not going to front I never thought I could hate someone so much. Its like the thoughts that constantly clouded my mind was "how could they!" And I knew if the roles were flipped they would feel the same exact way. As time passed I knew that hating that person was childish and unhealthy for me mentally. I had bigger and better things to worry about. So instead of focusing negative energy out there I thought only positive to the best of my ability.
As hard as it may be for some people if you can be mature and try to set all things aside no matter what the situation is you are AMAZING! Don't just do it for yourself do it for those you love as well because the way you feel can affect them as well. I took that step and it made all the difference. I knew that deep down I couldn't hate anyone who had something that was a part of the people that I love the most. And even if you choose to reach out don't expect someone else's maturity level to be as high as yours. Just knowing that you tried and took that step should make you feel phenominal. You never know maybe that day will come when you and that person could squash it all for the sake of you and everyone else that it affects and completely eliminate hate out of your life. HATE is no good!
[1150pm]"I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens for a reason. The hard time that you go through builds character, making you a much stronger person." Rita Mero
As my uncle would always say to me "God doesn't put you in a situation that you can't handle." Can a statement like this be true? I've come to think so! There are some people right now if I switched lives with them at the moments that had me at my worst they would of bailed! From the tender age of 3 to the my not so old age of 22 of have been through some crazy shit. Shit that I never thought I would have to go through but yet I did. With each battle that I have faced I have come out the victorious one no matter an outside source might think. Hardships and even regrets make you a very strong person, well they have for me. And I do believe that I am at my strongest, try me =) j/k.
For the past 3 years I feel like I have been to hell and back with a first class ticket! I was getting dealt blow after blow after blow. There are moments that I might have thought to myself well if I didn't meet that person or if I would of said this or that when I had the chance maybe this would be like that and so forth. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I look at the things that I looked at as regrets/hardships more like stepping stones or little speed bumps to get me where I'm at right now. I have an amazing son, boyfriend, and can't forget about good dog either. You have to think like if whatever his name or her name wasn't such a jackass and we broke up I might not ever met the love of my life right now for example.
With regrets comes lessons learned and it even makes you a stronger person. After loosing the first man who ever had my heart, my father<3> I moved from Nassau, Bahamas back to NY. If I would of stayed there maybe he would of lived past 52 years. Sad to say I don't regret not going back to possibly save my dad because I might not have my amazing son right now. And I knew that my dad wouldn't have it any other way as well.
Your will, will be tested time and time again. If you continue to stay strong and be true to yourself there is nothing you can not handle. My limits were tested and so might have yours but I held my head high and buckled up for that bumpy ride with my first class ticket. I grew up with values and respect for myself and the ones I love and because of that I withstood some of the hardest shit any woman has to go through. When you have good morales and respect for your self you might as well tell them "bring it on." I know almost everyone out here can probably say with all the shit you've been through there is nothing you can't handle. Trust me I know this for a fact.
I was given the strength to handle anything, were you?
Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!
[1027pm] The work world is no joke. Everyone is out there fighting for the same job/opportunity as you. Were all like a bunch of starving piranha that are fighting for that one carcass/job. I'm sure everyone leaves their house thinking to themselves "i got this son" lol. When strolling up to the office or wherever you may be interviewing you see the countless amount of people that are there for the same job as you. Every piranha in that pond is waiting for their turn to take a bite out of that carcass. Only one piranha/person will come out victorious. Will it be me? NOPE! Not today! I wasn't the one to come out on top this time.
How many interviews can anyone go on until they have had enough? Everyone is out here basically starving for any type of job. Almost anyone out here would be happy to get just about anything. Happiness can start with "welcome to McDonald's may i take your order" or it may even be cleaning someones toilets I don't know. My significant other says I'm to picky, pah! I'd rather be picky than be stuck at a job for months or even years making little to no money just to say I have a job. So I probably won't ever falter from my quest of job hunting because somewhere out there my job awaits me. And it awaits the millions of people in NYC as well.
[909am] Since 2006 I was blessed to be able to stay home with my son. Anyone who normally has a child goes back into the working world within a matter of weeks but for me it was different. On a beautiful day the 18th of Septemeber my son came into this world. He didn't come into the world a fat healthy little baby but a baby maybe the size of a nice juicy steak as my Aunt Clo would say. May she rest in peace, she was taken to heaven yesterday :'( but she's in a better place.
He was hooked up to everything you could possibly imagine. They told me he wouldn't have his eyes open or make a sound. Being born at 30 weeks vs the regular full term 40 weeks he came out peeing on the doctor and he looked me right in the eyes with his big beautiful brown eyes. He needed all the care and attention he could get. He only weighed 2lbs 2oz and right some that moment he came out as a fighter.
The first days of his life were spent in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). He was hooked up to breathing machines, had to be fed by a tube, he had jondus, he even had some pretty extensive surgery. All the days and nights I spent there I prayed for my little man. But sometimes it was so hard to keep a strong heart because all around me parents were crying because their babies couldn't hold on any longer. But I was blessed and my little man came home somewhat great he just needed a bit of help with an oxygen tank. That didn't last long though because he made it quite clear to me and his dad Estaban when he pulled it out one day during the whole ride out. AMAZING!
Because of what I had and the amazing boyfriend/father I was able to stay home and give my little man the one on one that he needed and then some. Spending time with him is amazing and not having to force him to daycare at such a young age made me so happy. Some people ridicule those who get supported by their significant others but if they knew how much they were helping their child they would do the same. Or maybe if their situation was different and they had that amazing support as I do they would do the same. I am an educated smart woman and I will do what I have to do for my son and staying home is what I chose. He knows the meanig of family because of that such much more than maybe another little boy or girl might. So don't be so quick to pass judgement but look at the better part to being able to be a stay at home mom.
Well now my little man is healthy and happy and about to start school and because of that its time for me to start going out into the working world. Hoping for jobs but at the same time a bit nervous. I did dabble in seasonal this past 2009, F that jobs bunch of asses lmao. So today I contine to make that journey to work. Do I need to? No I really don't because Estaban made it clear that I don't need to (love you <3). Question is, do I want to? Yes I do because I have to contiune to strive for my goals and thats to continue school and become Dr.Jacqueline Newton! [ill no longer be Jacobs by the time that happens :o)]
WISH ME LUCK READERS although its just a few for now. And comment away if you wish I have set it to where anyone can comment. Be nice as I am with what you have to say!
[120am]Normally I am in bed by 11 being that I act like I'm 30 smh. But tonight I've decided to stay up for a while after spending some quality time with my amazing bf, I'll call him Estaban lol. Just got a flashback to the first days of us talking in 2005. He use to call me Jazz and I would call him Estaban and Jazz annoyed the shit out of me for so many reasons.
Being that this is the first blog that I have ever written I have no clue what to do lol. Normally all my thoughts go into the many notebooks or what I guess you would call journals that are all over my house. Some are in my dressor, closet, my moms house, and the basement. I have enough writtings to probably publish 4 or more 3hundred and something page books.
Blogging never seemed to interest me but its time to start trying new things. You never know my blogging could become a big hit, never say never.
I don't know how often I might write on this thing. Maybe every other week, twice a week, or it may even become an everyday thing. All that depends on if people are actually reading it. This is just a test to see how I like doing this. If I did contine to "blog" I would be writing about my life story I guess. There have been some good and some bad moments in it and that's all a part of life, well my life anyways. I'm not perfect and neither is my life but I wouldn't change any part of it. So if you know me and to some extent of what I've been through you will know one thing about me, I AM A STRONG WOMAN!
So goodnight and here is to many
more bloggings and the beginning to the journey of my life!
I am a 23 year old mother to an amazing 3 year old son. He has been the light of my world since 2006! He makes me so proud to be a mom, even if it was at a young age. I have the most amazing family in the world and they make my life all the better as well. To love me you have to know me. I am the type of person who will show respect where it is due, never am I disrespectful and thats because I have respect for myself and my family.
What if "Death Before Dishonor," really meant that in this day and age? At some point in time if a person ever were to betray their family, clan, following, club, troop, etc. they would be put to death. The simplest crime could get you hung, shot, or even beheaded. Do you know how many people would be dead right now for being disloyal.
